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  • Dr. Stieglitz

Breakfast with Solomon - Proverbs 3:4

Proverbs 3:4

"So you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God and man"

The reason why one should permanently tie love and truth to one’s life is that it results in favorable relationship with God and mankind.

This is the ultimate “How to win friends and influence people” verse. In fact, this is the basis of all successful People Skill Courses. You are attempting to win favor with others when you learn people skills.

We are, because of our fallen nature, internally moved in a selfish direction. We think, “What do I want first?” Many never even consider what the other person wants or needs. The basis of all good People Skill Courses is trying to overcome our basic sin nature – which keeps us/self at the focal point of our lives. If we are to find favor with God and man, we must reorient our focus toward God and man. Notice that this is what verse 3 suggests. Do not let love and truth leave you.

No matter how selfish other people get, don't go selfish and self-focus on yourself. Keep the love of God flowing through you. You will not help anything by acting just like them.

I am so pleased as I watch my daughter really catch this. She is demonstrating an amazing willingness to meet other’s needs before her own. This godly quality of love is very encouraging to watch as it works its way out through her life.

If we stay self-focused, then it is not possible to be popular, well liked, respected, or enjoyed. No one wants to spend time around people who are always talking about themselves.

I have watched with a great deal of sadness as people in church have tried to make friends with people from a self-focused point of view. Trying to lure people into friendship – which is all about your stuff, your interests, your feelings, and your problems – will just not work. Learn what love really is – meeting needs, pursuing, pleasing.

If we learn to instinctively look to see what needs people have before we answer the question, "What do I want?" then there will be no end of favor and respect from others.

What are people's basic internal needs: a feeling of importance, to be heard, to be noticed, significance, security, acceptance. These and other basic internal needs are what we need to meet if we are to be experts at people skills.

Let me address another issue that comes up sometimes within Christian circles. The whole topic of whether we should, in any way, seek favor with man. Well, this verse tells us how, so clearly it is not wrong to gain it. God wants us to know how to enjoy positive relationships with others. He does not want us to sin in order to gain them, but He does want us to know how to enjoy friends and relationships with all types of people. Too many Christians think it is spiritual to be a curmudgeon with an angry face and a condemning attitude. Not according to this verse.

Until tomorrow,

Gil Stieglitz

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