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  • Dr. Stieglitz

Breakfast with Solomon - Proverbs 5:19

NOTE: The exposition of this proverb deals with mature themes of married love. It may not be appropriate for younger readers.

"As a loving hind and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; be exhilarated always with her love"

This is a hidden verse about the work of married love. This chapter of Proverbs is so often thought to be about avoiding adultery and, it is, but it also is a primer about how to stay in love with your spouse. Solomon uses the imagery of a deer and speaks of mental images and the mental work involved in staying in love with your wife instead of being enamored with the cheap new thrills of an adulteress.

let her breasts satisfy you at all times

This phrase is either a statement utilitarian direction or this phrase deals with the mental sexual work of staying in love. The context of the verse is how to stay in love with your wife and not need the services of an adulteress. Therefore the directions are not just how to have your needs met but how to stay in love. Also the words, at all times, would suggest far more than whenever you are sexually interested. These suggest that at the odd moments that you are faced with sexual temptation, think of the real thing with your wife. Instead of dreaming about some strange woman, dream about that which you can experience. The strongest sexual organ in the body is the mind, and this must be kept focused on the right people – your spouse. If a man allows himself to wander mentally or in reality to enjoying the breasts of another woman, then he has committed adultery. Jesus says this in Matthew 5, and Solomon says it here from the positive side. Solomon is saying that you must use your mind to keep you interested in your wife.

This practice of mental discipline in which a man does not let his mind wander to whatever it wants but instead trains it to think about what is good and right and beneficial has been lost in our culture. We often think that any thought that we might have is okay to think about. This is not true. We must bring some level of discipline to our minds, or we are not going to have a great life. There are some things we should think about and some things we should not think about. Fascinatingly enough, one of the good things to think about is sexual relations with your wife. Solomon is saying to think about that whenever you need to – it’s a good thing.

It is interesting that Solomon can speak from experience of doing this wrong. He allowed himself to lust after any beautiful woman he saw and multiples of wives and concubines that he had eventually turned his heart away from the Lord. Most likely when he wrote this under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, he was realizing the mistakes that he had made by not focusing on his wife and he had not yet been turned aside to pagan gods. It important to realize that he is saying: Don't let your mind fantasize about other women; it will get you in trouble – even if you are like Solomon and can just add her to your endless harem. Fantasize instead about your wife and the joy of physical intimacy with her.

as a loving hind and a graceful doe

These are images that Solomon chooses to describe sexual love in the mind of a man. This is the imagery of intimacy, physical tenderness, and the desire to touch.

These animals suggest softness, curves, tenderness, and sensuality. Solomon wants the man to be fantasizing but about his wife, not about some other woman. He is suggesting that the images of his wife in the man's mind are important.

be exhilarated always with her love

Because of our unique dating and engagement culture, we enjoy the true meaning of this verse before we are married – when we cannot stop thinking about her and when she intrudes into every activity and constantly brings pleasure into our life. In the life of Israel with arranged marriages and little or no interaction before marriage is begun, this exhilaration takes place after the wedding. But it is this contemplation of what it feels like to be loved by this woman that is being mentioned here.

A note to young ladies at this point: You can significantly increase the occurrence of this exhilaration your husband experiences by loving him deeply in the areas of his primary needs. The primary needs of a man that can be met by his wife are respect, adaptation to him, domestic leadership, intimacy sexually, companionship, attractiveness, listening. A woman can largely control how much her husband thinks about her by meeting these needs he has. She does not do them because he meets her needs but because she wants to meet his needs and wants to maximally fill him up to fulfill his God-given potential. It is his job to fill her up and meet her needs. Her needs are different and she is filled up in a different way.

There will be those times when you and your wife do not agree or that you are experiencing some distance. Don't let that become an opening for an adulteress. Instead, men, focus on what it is like to be in love with this woman in the good times. Go back there mentally and then ask yourself what would it take to get back to those wonderful times.

Until tomorrow,

Gil Stieglitz

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