Breakfast with Solomon - Proverbs 25:23
"The north wind brings forth rain, and a backbiting tongue, an angry countenance"
What the person with the backbiting tongue does not often understand is that they bring the angry reaction on themselves.
I was working with a couple whose teenage daughter insisted on coming back at every comment, statement, and order. It was never her way to just say, “Okay Dad or okay Mom...” What usually followed was a verbal interaction that got more heated all the time and then her comment that he or her mother didn’t have to get so angry. What she did not see, as is the case with all backbiters or quick-tongued people, was that they bring on the anger on themselves. NO ONE in authority wants to have each order, suggestion, or comment questioned, scrutinized, or improved. They just want it carried out
It seems the disease of the teen years is that this verbal combat takes place. What this couple needed to do was head off this type of heated interaction by teaching her that she was responsible for each word she spoke and that she would be visited with the results of her own speech. She would be treated as she treated others.
If one disagreed with an order or suggestion or comment, it would be better to find a time more appropriate to share those thoughts when they would be received. So many relationships fall apart because of a violation of this principle. "I must share what I am thinking about your idea, comment, or command exactly when you share it." This type of immediacy only brings heartache and pain because it brings out of the other person an angry countenance.
The great danger was that this daughter would develop a habit of coming back with something every time someone talked. That is the contentious woman. It is devastating to the potential of a great life and people would rather be in a desert land or a small prison than be with someone who will always push back; who will always disagree; who will just by nature share the opposite side of an issue.
It is crucial for men and women that they learn how to receive instruction, commands, correction, and training with the right spirit. If you do not do this then you are doomed to living below your potential. Many times you will have to bite your tongue rather than share what may be the right way when the wrong way is first exposed, but there will be a time for sharing the right way and you will be commended for it rather than being the just target of barbs, arrows, and anger.