Breakfast with Solomon - Proverbs 16:23
"The heart of the wise instructs his mouth and adds persuasiveness to his lips"
Like trying to hammer a nail into an oak board; it won't go just because you add force. You must ease the way with soap on the nail or a small drill hole.
I talk with people all the time who want to say something to someone, but they do not plan out an everybody-wins plan for what they are going to say. So they do not get the reaction they were expecting.
Usually what happens is that the other person resents your self-focused point of view and cannot hear what you are saying. And they reject your helpful words because they are shared from your I-win point of view.
In fact, Proverbs 15:2 says it well when it says that the tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable, but the mouth of fools spouts folly. Let's translate that proverb. The person who is looking for the everybody-wins way of saying what needs to be said causes others to want what he is talking about and to do it. But the person who is selfish and just wants to say what needs to be said in the easiest way for them will really only be spouting selfishness and will not be heard
I have heard many pastors who do not think through how to say the great truths of the Scriptures; they want people to listen better to how they want to say it. It is laziness that will not spend time in prayer and study figuring out how to speak the truth in an everybody-wins fashion. We are not preaching to hear ourselves speak. We are preaching to change lives because they act on the words.
If you are in a situation where things need to be said to your teens or to your spouse or to an employee or a boss, work hard to find an everybody-wins way of saying it.
I think this means that you write down what you think needs to be said and then figure out how does this information connect with information that the other person wants or needs to receive or would be happy to learn. Wrap the information in that type of delivery so that it can be an everybody-wins case of wisdom.